Shopping Cart Story

OK, OK, the shopping cart story. Once upon a time a very good friend of mine, we'll call him "Kirk" and I went to one of our favorite watering holes, Applebees. We could go get loaded at the 1/2 price happy hour. Often times we'd go to Kroger's afterward to but some beer and steaks. This particular time, while at Applebees, my zipper broke. Yes, the one on my jeans. So anyways, we are at Kroger checking out the steaks and such when I realized that the fillet of Mignon steaks wrapped in bacon would fit though my wide open zipper hole. I slid one through and it dropped down my left pant leg into my boot. Yay it worked. I did it again with my right pant leg, again it worked. So I was off to buy beer. Unbeknownst to me, Kirk took a salmon fillet and wrapped it in a Muscle Fitness magazine and put it down his pants. We ended up buying beer and leaving. We get to my car all happy and shit. To complete our crime spree, as we leave I tell Kirk to reach out of my car and grab a shopping cart. I was gonna drive full speed across the parking lot and he was gonna let it go into a car. He chickened out but didn't want to let go of the cart. So we drove home with him hanging out of my car hanging on to the cart. There were sparks flying off of the wheels and shit, it was great. At the end of our evening we leave it in his living room and I go home.

The 2 best parts of the story is this:

1. Both of his room mates worked with us and the next day at work one of them, we'll call him "T.J." comes up to me and says " I assume you can explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room?" I acted all aloof like "what, I can't believe you think I had something to do with that." But he knew.
2. The other thing is his other room mate "Max" got a DUI the week prior when the 3 of us left a bar. The Cop saw all 3 of us pull out at the same time and flipped around to follow us. Max was the first one to slip up. He rolled through a right turn on red. The Cop went left of center around Kirk and pulled Max over. Right in front of his front door. He was so pissed when he found out we drove home drunk with stolen meat in our pockets and with a shopping cart hanging out of my car. Not because it was stupid, but because we didn't get caught and he did. True Story.