One time I got really drunk and I had to puke. While I was puking I busted a blood vessel in my right eye. I had that red eye shit for like 2 weeks it seemed like.
Also, another time I was inebriated an I tried going to bed, but when I laid down, the room started spinning like I was a pinwheel. So naturally I stumble to the bathroom in nothing but my socks and boxers. I'm on my knees in front of the toilet, waiting, because I know it's coming. I start puking violently and I fart as I'm puking. But it felt like a thick heavy fart. I'm still puking and I fart again, only this time I realize it's not a fart. I shit my pants. It was a big smelly pudding like load. I couldn't even sit down when I was done puking my insides out. I had to figure out how to get my boxers off without getting raw, still warm, shit everywhere.
That was almost as bad as the time I was leaving my buddy "Kirk's" place and as soon as I got in my car it hit me. I had to take a massive dump and I had to take it right now! So I sped home and ran up to my bathroom, and fumbled with the button on my jeans. I whip my pants down and as I'm sitting down on the john I start shitting about 5 inches above the seat. I shot shit all over the place. All over the toilet, the seat, it smeared all over my ass. There was shit in too many places that it shouldn't have been. That was a lot of motherfucking fun to clean up.
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