Me and My Brother

I remember when I was a kid, one time my brother and I were hanging out on the back patio, and I was standing on a picnic table bench so I could see over the privacy fence. Well, my brother was walking by so I grabbed my his head and shoved his face into my ass and farted. That's what he gets for stabbing me in the arm with a pencil one time. Hey, no one is allowed to fuck with my brother except for me. I can do that shit.

You know, come to think of it. He stabbed me with the pencil because I had my hands around his neck, singing into his head like a microphone. Maybe I deserved it.

Mother Knows Best

Here is something that my mother used to say to me when I did something stupid, "Why don't you use your head for something other than growing hair out of?" Simple right? Makes you think about what you did wrong. I can not tell you how enraged that would make me feel. It's not like it was meant as a mean insult. But that made me want to choke people. Not only did I just do something dumb, but I was getting shit for it too. For some reason, of all the things my mom said to me, that would really piss me off. I wanted to say to her, " Here, hoe about I headbutt you in your goddamn nose!" That would be a good use of my head. I could never do or say that to my mom though. That always pissed me off. I would rank that up there with the time she threw my VanHalen 1984 cassette at me, and when I ducked it, it hit the wall and fucked the tape up. That really sucked. And my feelings are still hurt by that.