Random Ideas

• You know what I'm not a fan of? Bullshitters. Unless I'm the one doing the bullshitting.
• When people refer to "Adult Beverages" or "Adult Drinks" That really sounds funny to me. Like when I think of an adult drink I see a cocktail in a glass shaped like a dick. Or people drinking Kool-Aide naked. Or drinking through a straw shaped like a penis. Something like that. 'Adult' beverages, that just sounds funny to me.
• You know who used to write some really damn good song lyrics? David Lee Roth. Good ole' DLR. I also miss his whoops and yelps in the middle of his songs. I sure hope VanHalen puts out another record.

Baseball?

Does anyone still think Baseball is the National Past Time? Baseball is soooo boring, even the playoffs suck now. And I think fewer people are watching anymore. No one gives a shit about these over-paid pussies like Gay-Rod, who can't even win a Championship. In October we're all watching Football. And my "we're" I mean real men. Sorry if your mom didn't let you play Football as a child because she was afraid you'd get hurt. So you had to settle for Baseball.The only thing that would improve Baseball would be if everyone got a bat. Hell, I would watch that shit! I wanna see Manny Ramirez go after a pitcher with a Louisville Slugger.

They need to start making all men's room shitters bigger. No more of these small ones. Here's why; At work we have 2 shitter stalls, we have 4 pissers, but only 2 shitters. Well one of the stalls is a handicap stall and the other is regular size. Everybody uses the larger of the 2 if it's open. Here is why I don't like the smaller of the 2. My junk always makes contact with the bowl. How unhygienic is that? If it happens to one person, it happens to many. I don't want my cock slapping up against a germ infested ceramic bowl that 8 other cocks have slapped against.That's just GROSS!

Shocking Revisited

• Can you believe those 2 dudes from earlier? Just blowin' each otherout in the bushes. I am willing to bet that at least one of those 2 dudes has some serious psychological issues due to that. I should have let one of them blow me while the other one worked my nuts. You know, porno style!

• Oh, and if you're wondering why I went along with these 2 guys to play a game that normally takes place in the secrecy of the bushes, my answer is simple. I didn't have many friends. I was hoping to make some new friends. Not friends with benefits. Well, not male friends with benefits anyway. Not that I knew what "benefits" were at the time. I did, however, learn a valuable lesson from the whole ordeal. Self Entertainment. After that I didn't care how many friends I had. I only need one person, ME. I don't need a bunch of friends, I don't need guys blowing me in the bushes. I am fine and dandy, Thank You.

• Too bad there wasn't any girls like that in the neighborhood. Although they might have scared me off just the same, but it would have been a much better story to tell. Much, much better. And less gay. Much less gay.

Fun with Feces

One time I got really drunk and I had to puke. While I was puking I busted a blood vessel in my right eye. I had that red eye shit for like 2 weeks it seemed like.

Also, another time I was inebriated an I tried going to bed, but when I laid down, the room started spinning like I was a pinwheel. So naturally I stumble to the bathroom in nothing but my socks and boxers. I'm on my knees in front of the toilet, waiting, because I know it's coming. I start puking violently and I fart as I'm puking. But it felt like a thick heavy fart. I'm still puking and I fart again, only this time I realize it's not a fart. I shit my pants. It was a big smelly pudding like load. I couldn't even sit down when I was done puking my insides out. I had to figure out how to get my boxers off without getting raw, still warm, shit everywhere.

That was almost as bad as the time I was leaving my buddy "Kirk's" place and as soon as I got in my car it hit me. I had to take a massive dump and I had to take it right now! So I sped home and ran up to my bathroom, and fumbled with the button on my jeans. I whip my pants down and as I'm sitting down on the john I start shitting about 5 inches above the seat. I shot shit all over the place. All over the toilet, the seat, it smeared all over my ass. There was shit in too many places that it shouldn't have been. That was a lot of motherfucking fun to clean up.

Here is a Shocking Piece of Literature for You

Back when I was in either the 2nd or 3rd grade, so I was 7 - 9 years old, me, my mom, and my brother lived in this apartment complex called the Skywae Townhomes or some shit like that. So anyway, there was this tiny patch of grass at the end of the townhomes, and that was the only place for us children to play. Plus the patch of grass had these concrete pieces of tunnel or something to play with, in, or on. Low budget excitement. Now, there were these 2 dudes that were close to my age. I wish I could remember the names of those 2 little homos. One day gay boy 1 comes up to me and asks me if I want to join him and gay boy 2 out it the bushes for a game that they played. I told them that the bushes were further away than I was allowed to go. So me and the ambiguously gay duo headed into one of the concrete tunnel gizmos and I asked what the game was called. They said it was called "Sucking Pickles". Yeah, you believe that shit? That's why I called them gay boy 1 & 2. What I tell you next may shock you. Ok, so they tell me it's called sucking pickles and then they proceed to start blowing one another. Right in front of me. Like I wasn't even there. Taking turns going down on each other. One of them offers me his pecker and asks if I wanna try. I was like "uh, I think I have to go home now, in fact I know I have to go now." And I bolted. Still to this day it's hard to get the image of those 2 knob goblins blowing each other out of my head. I wonder who came in the other one's mouth first?