Fuck the Cleveland Browns and fuck the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Who Dey! Go Bengals!

This is probably you.

I wish I was a golf club sometimes.

Where's the John?

Ever noticed how action heroes are always named John? All of the cool action heroes. Well except for Michael Knight, he is really the coolest. Anyway, John is a popular name. I'll show you what I mean. Ever watch the TV show '24'? Kiefer Sutherland's character is named Jack Ryan, and in this case, Jack is a nick name for John. His name is actually John Ryan. That's a weak example though. How about Keanu Reeve's in 'Point Break'? Johnny Utah, yeah that's a cool one. Let's see what else, oh yeah, 2 Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, 'Commando' he was John Matrix and 'Kindergarten Cop' he was John Kimble. He is one of the ultimate action heroes of all time. Another one would be Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo. Oh yes, lest ye forget. Ooh, ooh, ever see any of the 'Die Hard' movies? John McClane at your service. In 'Terminator' who is going to lead the resistance against the machines? John Conner. See what I'm saying? Other notables would be Johnny Quest, Johnny Mnemonic, Number Johnny 5 from the 'Short Circuit' movies. You know, the lovable, faggy robot that doesn't want to get disassembled. Hell even Superman's earth father's name was Jonathan Kent! So do you see what I'm saying? I think I know why we name our heroes John. Our real life heroes are named John. Look, there's John F. Kennedy, John Glenn, John "Bonzo" Bonham, Johnny Unitas, Johnny Cash, and "the Duke" John Wayne. In honor of Michael Knight I'll have to do a list of great Michaels next.

More Odds and Ends

Ever been in a fight where you really got your ass kicked? Or it just really embarrassed the shit out of you? Perhaps you were left with a shoe print on your face. What I'm talking about is anytime you have been on the losing side of a fight in anyway. Has it ever happened to you? If it has, I have one question for you. What's it like? That has never happened to me before. HA! You bitches.

One of my favorite musicians, Wednesday 13, has a song called 'Faith in the Devil', and I know that's a fucked up song or whatever. But the main riff to the song is so catchy. It's a hard and punishing riff. I can't help but sing the song to myself in my head while I'm at work. So, have some Faith in the Devil!

Today when I got to work, the first thing I did was take a shit. Right after I was done and I was rinsing my hands off another fellow walked in. He entered my shit cloud. HA HA!

We need to make a stronger effort to exploit the weak. Man, I should work for some big evil corporation that produces a product that kills millions of people.

You remember when I said I was growing my nails out, right? Well I cracked one the other day. Yeah, I know, "Oh no, I cracked a nail." But seriously I did, and it looks goofy with half a nail sitting here. I might have to bite it off.

You know what's gross to think of? The sweaty, nasty, inflamed tissue around an infected scrotum. Ew, you're sick.

Well I managed to make it one posting without using the word nigger. Nope I just blew that.

I tried to end this posting on a funny note, but I couldn't think of anything. So Fuck You!

More Racism

OK, we are all familiar with nigger, and even sand nigger as well. I have come up with a few new ones. Asians - Rice Niggers, Germans - Nazi Niggers, Italians - Pasta Niggers, American Indians - Native Niggers, British - Cheerio Niggers, Hawaiian - Aloha Niggers, Mexicans - Enchilada Niggers, Canadians - Maple Leaf Niggers or Hockey Niggers, French - French niggers. Because fuck the French. Of course I forgot white niggers being wiggers.

Here's another thing I hate a bout niggers. when they say 'mines'. That shirt is mines. NO! It's not mines, it's mine. If it only belongs to you, and you're only one person, it can't be plural! That's part of that 'Niglish' I spoke about. Another 'Niggerism'.

Alcohol and Pain

Have you ever noticed this? Alcohol and Pain both have similar effects on you. Ever got drunk and did something you wish you hadn't? Or have you hurt yourself and snapped at someone or punched something out of anger? They both make you do things you wouldn't normally do. Also if you're drunk or in severe pain, you tend to see things a different way. They open up your perception in a whole new way. OK, another thing they have in common is, they both will make you puke if you've had too much of it. I know most adults have drank a little too much and either paid for it in the morning or later on that night. Right? Hopefully you haven't been in so much pain that you puked, but it happens. Don't believe me? Break your femur and see how it goes. Or if you're lucky, you might have a few kidney stones. That'll get ya! It got me. And the fourth thing in common that I thought of was this; they both make you pass out when you receive excessive amounts. Again I know quite a few adults have passed out drunk before. But it is also possible to pass out due to excessive amounts of pain. That isn't fun. Believe me, again kidney stones were the cause of it. You know what? I thought of a 5th, addiction. People become addicted to both of these. Pain & Alcohol. Ha! top that.

Time For an English Lesson

OK, true facts here guys. There is a word called 'Niggardly' which means 'Stingy'. And a word called 'Niggling' which means 'Petty and Annoying'. True facts here.These words have nothing to do with race or being black. But I have come up with a new word. 'Niglish', it is the version of the English language that niggers use. Because they butcher the shit out of it sometimes, don't they? Where you at? How I get there? What this is? Libary. Ah, those illiterate bastards!

Carnivore vs. Herbivore

Can anyone explain to me why someone would want to be a vegetarian or a vegan? This sounds like a dangerous idea to me. Not eating meat? That is absurd. I think it would be hilarious if a vegetarian was killed and eaten by a cannibal. To me, I don't see how the need for meat could be permanently suppressed. At least we won't have to worry about these weak, sissy, bitch motherfuckers rising up and taking over the world. You need to be a carnivore to do that. Or at least an Omnivore.

Shitter Issues

I just had a dilemma in the shitter. You know how I've mentioned I like to use the bigger of the 2 shitter stalls at work, right? Well someone just blew it up before I went in there. So I had a decision to make. Use the shitter with the shit cloud, or use the shitter that makes my junk touch the bowl. I chose the smaller of the 2. I can make sure my junk doesn't make contact by paying extra attention, I ain't sitting in no man's shit cloud.

Plus while I was in there, some other dude came in and had to use the other stall. HAHA. Shit cloud shit cloud. He was one of these fags that has to flush the toilet the entire time he shits to cover up the sound of him shitting. What a homo. Just shit like a man. Pretend you have a cock and balls. I'm in there shitting, you came in to shit, that's what the shitters are there for. No one will laugh at you for shitting.We will only make fun of you if you flush the goddamn toilet 4 or 5 times before you wipe your ass!

I'd like to spend some time on a rant against Mexicans, but I can't. I don't have the same hatred built up for Mexicans that I do for niggers. I like Mexicans, they're nice people. I've never been assaulted by a group of Mexicans. I've never been made to feel less than equal my a group of Mexicans. I've never had anything stolen from me by Mexicans. And at least Mexicans work. They work hard too. The only thing a nigger is good for is using funny words like "duckets" and selling you good weed at a reasonable price. Hell if you meet the right nigger, he might even sell you back the shit he stole from you.

Everybody Loves Mexicans

Have you ever noticed that Mexicans do some weird shit? Some of them put that funky shag carpet looking shit on the ceiling of their cars. Some of them put their names in the back window of their trucks. They put chrome on everything. Some of them dress like cowboys. I once knew these Mexicans that would sit out in their truck, for hours at a time, and drink beer. They would have a few cases of Corona and they'd just drink and drink. Sometimes they offer a beer or two to my friends and I. "Cerveza mi amigo?" they'd ask. Well I don't know much Spanish, but I know when someone is offering me a beer. But the shit would be warm from sitting out in their truck all day. They didn't give a fuck. They drank the warm beer.

Hay have you ever tried to explain how chewing tobacco works to a Mexican that spoke almost no English? It's fun, try it sometime. My friends and I had a chance to show Portafilio how to do it. We couldn't explain to him that even though it's called "chewing tobacco" you don't actually chew it. He didn't get it. Also when we said don't swallow, he swallowed. Not just the juices, but some of the leaves too. It was Redman chewing tobacco, so it had the big leaves in it and shit.Anyways, I kinda felt bad watching him puke it back up. But it was funny.

Middle School Story

One time in Middle School, when I had a lot of trouble with the blacks, there was this one black kid that loved to fuck with everybody. So one day he was giving me shit and I snapped. After class I threw him up against the lockers and called him "niggie". I have no idea what that means. But I said it. I should have just jacked him in the face and spat on him. Fuckin' nigger.

Why is there so much bullshit in the media about what clothing the presidential candidates and their running mates, and spouses are wearing? Does anybody really give a shit? I mean really? I don't. Now if Sarah Palin and John McCain's wife came out to a debate naked, I would be interested. Otherwise not so much. What the fuck does it matter what they wear or how much they spent on it? If this is what people are basing their voting decisions on, it doesn't matter who we elect. We're all fucked anyways.

Another Fun List

OK, here is another list of people we can do without.

1. Clay Aiken - Is he gay? Is he not? Is he gay? Is he not? He is, but it's too late now. No one cares.
2. Dave Navarro - This guy wears more makeup than most women. Plus he likes fingers in his ass.
3. Terry Bradshaw - He may have been a great QB for Pittsburgh Steelers in his day, but now the man is nuttier than squirrel turds.
4. Celine Dion - We only wish her plane would have a DJ AM "accident" on the runway.
5. Andrew Dice Clay - Didn't your career die about 20 years ago? I think it's time for you to join it. Go kill yourself.
6. Any Guy That Can Blow Himself - Stop it! You're just showing off asshole.
7. Political Celebrities - I don't give a shit who you support. Your job is to entertain me. And your political bullshit isn't entertaining me. Dance you puppets!
8. Antonio Banderas - Go fuck your gross looking wife and leave the rest of our women alone.
9. Steven Colbert - I don't care how you pronounce your name. "Fuck you, douche bag!" is only pronounced one way. Get it?
10. Richard Simmons - Wouldn't you like to see this guy have a heart attack or stroke while he is doing one of his faggotty exercises?

Honorable Mention

• Los Angeles Clippers - Have they achieved anything in the last 20 years? No? OK.
• Anyone With More than 3 Bumper Stickers - You are as insignificant as a housefly in Idaho to me. I hope you die in a fiery, twisted metal death because you weren't watching the road. You were reading a billboard that says 'Shit Happens'.
• John Mayer - He may be a really good guitar player, but he is creepy as FUCK looking. No thank you, sir. I'll pass on this shit.

Science Can Be Fun

When I was in college I had this science teacher that wanted us to be anal when it came to detail. He wanted lots of detail in our reports and papers. I was always off in some other place when I was in that class. One day he started yelling, "more, more, more, anal, anal, anal!!" I have no idea what he was talking about, but I was listening after that! What an asshole.

Notes and Quotes

Is anyone else concerned that Joe Paterno is going to drop dead on the field at some point?

Does anyone know what name Sean Combs is going by these days? Hopefully he will be called Deceased real soon.

I like to play video games in my underwear. Just thought I'd let you know that. Can you deal with that, huh?

I think that if you watch the music video for 'Turbo Lover' by Judas Priest, and you really listen to the lyrics, it is clear that Rob Halford may have been gay. But, it's still one of my favorite Judas Priest songs.

Have you ever sneezed and afterward your arm hurt really bad? And you think you're having a heart attack or something. What the fuck is that?

Or have you sneezed and shit a little in your pants? Nothing noticeable, just enough to worry you. Maybe even smell it like a bad fart. I'm sure you have.

Since we're talking about shit, you know what really sucks? When you're wiping your ass and your finger breaks through the toilet paper and your finger almost goes up you asshole. I know everyone has done that. What's the first thing you do when that happens? You look at your finger. You wanna know if you have any shit on it before you proceed. That's why I like to bite my nails. I don't want fecal particles festering underneath my nails. Fuck that! Oh, and if you look at your finger and you don't see anything on it, you sniff it don't you. Sure you do. Why? Because you're a sick motherfucker that's why! But it's OK, I am too.

Signs Signs Everywhere Signs

Have you ever wondered how they come up with the names for streets when they name them? I think I'd be good at that. I'd use a lot of subtle innuendo. Or something creative like, GETOUTOFY WAY. Or ROCKY RD, or NATHAN Ln. How about GOFORA Dr? MIDDLEOFTHE St. would be a good one too! I'm gonna have to contact the city or the state about this shit.