C-C-Cold As Ice

Did anybody pay attention to the Winter Olympics this past winter? I know, it isn't always very interesting. In fact there are only two events I paid any attention to myself. Hockey and Curling. Of course Hockey is the bestest and coolest event and Curling just plain fascinates the hell out of me. By the way, Curling is the event in which a large (granite, I think) stone is put into motion down an alley of ice by a single teammate. Then two to three additional teammates use specially designed brushes to control the speed and direction of the stone to land it in a targeted area. Almost like team shuffleboard on ice. Anyways, I got really hooked on women's curling this year. I think most people are familiar with the hotties that Russia has produced in general, (Anna Kournikova, Milla Jovovich, Maria Sharapova, Mila Kunis, Olga Kurylenko just to name a few), but Russia's women's curling team was a team of women that could all be models. And Luidmila Privivkova was the hottest on the team. Don't believe me? Google that shit! Anna Sidorova, Margarita Fomina, Yekaterina Galkina, they're all hot. I am actually looking forward to the next Winter Olympics. Also our Men's Hockey team being such a major force helps as well. And on a side note, if you check out Germany's Women's Curling team's coach. You will see the exact opposite of the hotness that the Russian's displayed. Her name was Helga I think, and she scared the shit out of me!

The Late Chris Farley

I was not a fan of Chris Farley, can you handle that? Is that a problem? I know he was loved by many and regarded as a great comedian and his "Best Of" videos from SNL are widely popular, but I couldn't care less. There's only so many times I can watch a fat guy fall through a coffee table and find it funny. A routine of being loud and clumsy really isn't all that entertaining. And his movies? Were any of them good? Yes, 'Tommy Boy' was a really funny movie. It was. 'Black Sheep' was almost funny, but about a quarter of the way through it I realized that it was the exact same thing as 'Tommy Boy'. Were there any other good movies of his? He was great in 'Dirty Work' but that was Norm MacDonald's movie, and Farley wasn't credited with being in the movie I don't think. Also I've heard him compared to John Candy and John Belushi two other over weight comedians that died prematurely. I can see John Belushi, but John Candy? No, sorry, fuck that. John Candy was a comedic genius! With a ton of great movies to his credit too. So, personally, from me thumbs down to Chris Farley. But at least he died doing something he loved - Drugs and Hookers! We should all be so lucky.

Did He Really Just Say That?

Ever heard the phrase "All up in his grill"? Or other variations like "All up in your face" "All up in your grill piece" "All up in your mouthpiece" any or all variations on the above basically. Well this past football season my girlfriend and I were listening to a Pittsburgh Steelers game on Sirius. We have to listen to their games because we live in Ohio, not Pennsylvania. Anyways, the Steelers have these radio announcers that are fucking stupid. Of course, it's easy for me to say that because I'm a Bengals fan, but my girlfriend agrees. They say some of the most retarded stuff I've ever heard. Sometimes I have trouble believing they are even watching the same game as each other. So back to the story. We're listening and the Steeler's defense was able to get a good deal of pressure on the opponent's QB. After the play one of the announcers says, "He was all up in that guy's mustache!" I said "What?!" All up in that guy's mustache? What a fucking tool. Hopefully one of these days Heinz Field will collapse and those two jack offs will be inside when it happens. With any luck, Hines Ward and/or Ben Rapelisberger will be in there too. Or maybe the whole team, while they play the Ravens or Browns. Just implode the whole goddamn thing. Gee, that sure would be wonderful.

Truth Hurts

You know, most white people won't admit it, but we're all happy to be white. Do you know why? Because we're white! We control everything. As a whole we are not yet a minority. Think of all the biggest, baddest, blackest athletes and there is usually a white person behind them controlling them. Be it team owners, agents, coaches whatever. (And some of these white people are those dirty fuckin' Jews I mentioned earlier.) White people own the companies that use the Mexican day laborers. You know, those fuckers that barely speak English and they work for $20 a day, for 12 hours worth of work. It's all white people shittin' on niggaz. And I'm okay with that.

Celebrating Celebrities

Do you care about when celebrities die? I don't. I don't give a flying fuck. Why should I? It has no bearing on my life. I laugh at them. I say, "Ha ha, fuck you, I'm alive." I don't even really care when non-celebrities die. As long as it doesn't effect those in the circle around me, who cares? Not me. Okay, it is sad when someone dies. Especially if it was someone young who had a bright future that was cut short. But I can't let other people's bullshit upset me. In other words, I can't cry for everyone. Let's be serious here people.

The Hatred Continues....

Why do Jews have such big noses? It's a stereotype, but stereotypes are formed on a certain amount of truth. But fuck those Christ killing pickle eaters. I'll set a roll of pennies on the ground and wait until one of them heeb cocksuckers bends over to pick it up and kick them square in the crotch. If it's a dude I'll make his nuts rupture, if it's a broad, I'll stick my foot so far up her snatch she'll have to move it out of the way to brush her teeth. Damn dirty Jews.

(Author's Note) That bit wasn't as funny as when I first wrote it many months ago, but after I typed it out I didn't see any reason to axe it. So...you win some, you lose some. This one was definitely a loser!

Quick Thought

If you're gonna kill yourself, do it on the toilet. That way when you lose control of your bodily functions and you piss yourself and void your bowels, there's less mess to clean up. Die with some dignity, will ya?

YES!!

Yeah the dishwasher, the vacuum, the iron, the snow thrower. All the important stuff.

They should do this after every NFL and NCAA football game.

Again, I love the Star Wars posters.

This is for all of you South Park fans out there.

If I get so big I need a motorized cart to get around, I hope one of my dear friends or family members will put a bullet directly in my head.

Go on..... pretend we're not here ladies.

Ha! Gotta love those camel fuckers.

This is no joke.

Someone should punch him in the fucking head.

Like, I know, right?!

I know people hate Bush, but he is a good source of comedy.

Quick! They're trying to cross the border!!

Remember boys and girls, Don't Be a Pussy!

You know, they're music sucks, but God bless 'em anyways!

Ain't nobody gonna fuck with her turkey leg.

I didn't even realize there were cupcakes.

That really doesn't mean she isn't a slut..... I hope.

Not sure why I thought this one was funny.

Good for them. Except they don't use them for anything.

But Snake Eyes is a bad ass MoFo!

All Hail!!

That sucks because Megan Fox is hot too!

Ha! Maurice Clarett, what a waste.

Right here! I got one!

The dude on the right looks like a mean sumbitch! just another asshole with a (fake) badge.

BREAK YO'SELF!!

This is great!

The Third and Final Update is Underway.....

Any Star Wars Poster is funny.

I have no idea what the fuck a Paladin even is.

That's usually what my To-Do list looks like.

And I'm Okay with that.

I'm not gay. Just for the record I passed the test.

Yeah, generalizations, stereotypes, same thing.