Viewer Submissions

Thanks to everyone who reads this shit. I appreciate it. Don't forget to check out 'Tarot By Rachel' if you're into that sort of thing. I've seen her work, it's pretty interesting. But in honor of everyone out there that reads this shit today's update is all viewer submitted pics from around the internet. Enjoy them. I'll do it again in the future. One particular fan is going to get his own update soon too. So be on the look out for that. Thanks again. See you in a week or too!

If anyone can figure this one out, let me know. I still don't get it. What's the trap?

Thanks Aaron F. from Allentown PA

(You can click on it to enlarge it.)

If you've never played Left 4 Dead, you should try it. You don't even have to play online.

Thanks whoever sent this one.

(You can click on it to enlarge it.)

Mmmm Bacon.

This looks like a pretty good Duane Johnson movie.

Thanks Pete H. from Knoxville TN.

Now this is my kind of sandwich!!

Thanks Wade P. from Unknown.

Fiestas are soooo cool. Especially ones with Billabong decals on them. That raises the resale value.

At first I thought, "Wow! Nice set of knockers you got there." But then I noticed the mirror in the background.

Thanks Brad Y. from East Lansing MI.

Whatever. She's still hot. Actually with all of the words I almost didn't post this one. But even on the shitter Britney still looks hot.

That may be an illegal choke hold.

Thanks Ken B. from Valparaiso IN.

Please don't feed this fucker after midnight.

For all of you Mario fans out there.....

Ha! Old People.

Thanks Phil M. from Fort Wayne IN.

And now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Ha! I loved this one.

Thanks Chris B. from St. Louis MO.

Too bad I didn't have this one when I did my motivational poster update.

A new twist on an old film.

Thanks Richard, for making that statement. And Thanks Bobby P. from Cleveland OH, for sending these in.

I Got Doodies!

It may be no surprise to anyone, but I'm not a fan of using public restrooms, but let's face it, who is? However, the Mexicans that clean the office building where I work are good at what they do. It always smells nice in our restroom. Plus since I work evenings and they clean at 6 or so every night when I take my evening post - dinner dump, I get a freshly cleaned restroom to do my business. So to all of you hard working masters of the Custodial Arts, I salute you.

Another Great Show

OK, so recently I had a chance to see my brother's band play again. And once again I was impressed. It was an important show for them because it was at a venue that could help them out in the future and it was also the first show since their guitar player had a major health scare. So I was as happy to see them play as they were to actually play. By the way, the two opening acts weren't up to snuff and I was so drunk at that point that "allegedly" I was heckling the 2nd act. But I digress. This particular performance I saw the band in a way I hadn't seen recently. I was up front and center this time. Usually I'm in front of my brother. So as I panned left to right I noticed this. My brother has really come into his own and has started to create his own style or look. Image may be the word I'm looking for. He's got a quarterback play list wrist band with the set list written on it. And he combines that with a quasi-M. Shadows look calling off the songs. Next the singer "J" we'll call him really knows how to sing his lungs out! I had never noticed that intensity in him before. I'm sure it's been there, but I finally observed it in real life. Now, "N" the drummer is simply the best drummer I know, personally. He was on fire and it really was an inspiration to me. Not just as an observer, but as a fan of the band and being a fellow musician (of sorts) myself. Now the bass player "D" looked a lot different because he had to get a new job and "the man" made him shave his beard off. And he has always had a massive black beard. As a fan of facial hair I have always been a bit envious of his beard, so when he showed up looking like a child molester I was shocked! But, and this is a big BUT, I was able to see his face while he was playing. I've never noticed before, how much he gets into the whole vibe the band is putting out. The way his face twists and contorts while playing and singing along with "J" was something previously masked by the beard. It was refreshing and made me all that much more excited to be there. Next, and last, but not least, "K" the other guitar player, who had her triumphant return. That's right, I said HER return, was in the best form I had seen her in a while. She had sunglasses that matched my brother's and black hair that hung in her face that was reminiscent of Nikki Sixx circa 1994 and unless she was singing backing vocals she was expressionless. That created such a mystique in my mind that if I hadn't known any better, I may have thought it was a different person all together. My mind was blown, simply put. It was probably in the top 2 performances of theirs that I have seen. And I'd like to Thank them, whether they read this or not, I'm saying Thank You very much for keeping my drunken ass entertained on a Saturday night.

Does this bug you? When people pronounce the days of the week as if they were spelled with 'dee' at the end rather that 'day'? It bugs the shit out of me. "I'll see you on Mondee." Bullshit! "I will see you on MonDAY!" I don't know what this Mondee shit is. And it's nothing personal if you pronounce these words this way. Nothing personal at all. You just need to stop it. Seriously. I'm sure you wouldn't ask, "What dee of the week is it?" No, you'd say 'Day' just fine in that situation. So saying Monday or Friday shouldn't be that big of a problem. Didn't you learn anything in school? Huh? Aww Fuck You.

Have you seen this Sandra Lee on the fucking food network? She looks like a younger, hotter Marg Helgenberger form the original CSI: Crime Scene Investigation T.V. show. You know, the one on Thursday nights on CBS, just before the Mentalist. It sucks that I know all of this programming bullshit. But Sandra Lee, hmm. I call her Sandy. Not really I just saw her for the first time the other day. But she was hot. In fact, I have no idea what she was cooking, but if she asked me to eat it off her ass, I would have. And that's the end of my story.

A Story of Happiness and Heart Break

So back in college I met a girl who happened to have two of the same classes as I did. And this girl, or should I say young woman had a great body, a great personality and a fantastic rack! She and I went to high school in the same school district and kind of bonded over that. Naturally after a while I developed a bit of a crush on her. And she didn't seem to be too horrified by me, so I thought maybe I could muster some courage and ask her out or something. I mean, I never took notes in class, I'm not sure I even paid attention, I'd just sneak peeks of her ample knockers when I could. Oh and guys, she loved wearing tight sweaters. (wink wink) But once she missed class and I actually took notes that day because I knew she'd come to me when she got back. You see? I was thinking. Using my head for something other than growing hair out of. So anyways we were in class one day and I was scratching my arm and she noticed my tattoo. And she asks, "Cool, you have a tattoo? Can I see it?" I'm like "Well, heck yeah!" So I'm all proud of myself as I'm showing it to her. In my head I'm thinking "yes I'm in!" As she's checking it out she says, "My boyfriend just got one with a rose on it because that's my middle name". And that was it. All hopes and dreams (but not fantasies ha ha) were extinguished like a 13 year old's cigarette trying not to get caught by his parents. I don't even know what she said after that. I stopped listening. I knew her for like 2 months and she never mentioned a boyfriend. Where the fuck did he come from?! So yeah, I stopped listening. I was sending those boobies a fond farewell in my mind. And it's not like I was just trying to "bang" her or anything. I was genuinely interested in her as a total package. A sincere interest. But of course I wouldn't have minded if she beat the shit out of my face and head with those giant fucking titties!

A Notice To All Readers

Some of you out there in Inter-Webs land may have noticed that I haven't been updating as often as I once was. And simply it's because I haven't had a whole lot to bitch about lately. I am really content with where I'm at in life right now. Both my girlfriend and I have jobs we like, and mine isn't a bad one, plus I'm pretty good at it. And I've been reading a lot lately while I've been at work, which cuts into my writing time. Also since the NFL season had begun, I'm usually preoccupied with football on the weekends when I'd typically be posting. And there has been a lot of beer getting in the way too. So I just haven't been angry enough to put the pen to the paper. But I do have a lot of stuff stored up to put out and I have a good deal of pics to sort through that you guys have sent me. So look for an update or two to feature your submissions. But other than that, enjoy everything else. Take Care.

Another Stupid List

Here is my list of coolest Current T.V. Characters.

1. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs - He's the baddest T.V. character ever!
2. Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo - He is the next in line to succeed Gibbs when he retires.
3. Lois Griffin - Because I have a thing for hot red head cartoon characters. Like Ariel from the Little Mermaid.
4. Mary Shannon - Ever watched In Plain Sight? She's the reason I do. Such a badass chick!
5. Dr. Gregory House - If I was a doctor, I'd want to be like him. He's biggest coolest dickhead ever.
6. Barney Stinson - Neil Patrick Harris is a cool dude and the life he breathes into Barney is just amazing. I love that character.
7. Frylock - He is a floating carton of french fries that shoots lasers from his eyes. Need I say more?
8. The Mythbusters Crew - If I could switch jobs with anyone it would be either Adam, Jaime, Tory, or Grant. But not Kari 'cause she's a girl. No questions asked.
9. Patrick Jane - If you haven't watched the Mentalist yet, try it. I'm 80% sure you'll like it. He's the main reason.
10. Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan - He is the muscle and heart of the Criminal Minds FBI BAU. Bottom Line.
11. Charlie Harper - I'm glad Charlie Sheen found a role he's good at. Mainly because it's actually him. But he's definitely my biggest role model.
12. Jeremy Wade - He isn't a character he's an actual person, and this motherfucker can catch some motherfucking radical catfish.
13. Special Agent G. Callen - If anyone is going to star in a west coast version of NCIS I'm glad it's him.
14. Special Agent Sam Hannah - The only person I'd want as Callen's partner. Plus he's played by LL Cool J.
15. Special Agent Seeley Booth - I think I have a thing for special agents, but whatever. Booth is a good catholic man's man. And I wanna see him bang Bones.
16. Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan - Even though she is so literal and that annoys the fuck out of everyone, I'd still like to see her and Booth hook up at some point.
17. Jeff Bingham - He's another man's man, and he reminds me of myself.
18. Nick Stokes - The only CSI character good enough to make my list. He is cool and he's been with the show for a while. He's the only reason I watch the original.
19. Dr. Raymond Langston - I was mistaken. He is also on the original CSI and I dig him too. I like seeing him and Nick Stokes solve crimes together.
20. Al Michaels - Ok he isn't a character either, but he is on T.V. and I am a huge fan of his. If you read my story about have color commentary while receiving a BJ you'd know this already.

Size Does Matter

Has anyone else noticed the new smaller bottle caps the soda companies are using on bottles now? Like on 20 & 24 ounce bottles. They're supposed to be smaller to save on the amount of plastic being used. But personally I feel all they've done is make it harder to put the cap back on. Maybe it's just me, bit I have a little trouble from time to time when I go to put the cap back on now. And I understand the idea, but how much plastic are they really saving? Don't get me wrong, it is a noticeable difference, obviously if it hampers my ability to recap the bottle, but it really isn't a huge difference. Is it? But I suppose it's better than alternative ideas I could come up with. I'm surprised they didn't leave the caps as they were and just make smaller bottles for the same price in order to save plastic. That would be a good sound corporate idea. "Let's give the consumer assholes less product, but for the same price. That'll save plastic. And we're thinking GREEN!!"

With an emphasis on the word green. Get it?

Always Screwing With Somebody

OK, so one of my favorite video games is Battlefield Bad Company 2 and I love killing motherfuckers on that game. So one thing I thought might be fun to do is create another online profile as a woman and go online and kill all of the guys that wouldn't be able to be out done by a female. Because that's most of them. I, myself really don't care who gets the best of me, because I will find you and kill you...... eventually. But a lot of guys can't handle it if a "girl" gets the better of them. Some guys just don't understand that women can figure out video games too. Like it's something only men are genetically disposed to be better at. Dumbasses. So that's what I wanna do. If I could get a few more guys to help me with this, that would be great. Plus we'd all have girlie names/gamertags like TightPie_Girl or SuziHomeWrecker or PWND_by_a_Girl or Grrrrl_Power, you get what I mean. And our 3 digit clan tag could be GRL or something. Or even LEZ if you catch my drift. Sounds like a solid idea to me. What do you think?

WORD!

Alright, we're gonna talk about words now. No intro, no lead in. I'm just gonna jump right in it. Have you ever noticed the word SPEECH is spelled with 2 Es but the word SPEAK is spelled with an EA? Aren't these words very similar in what they represent? Isn't that fucking stupid? Why would we do that? No wonder people have trouble learning to read in this country. And there's another one by the way, READ. I can't READ (sounds like REED) very well. But I already READ (sounds like RED) that book. Why are they spelled the same way? And we bitch because illegals don't learn how to speak English? You try teaching them the difference. I work with a guy who goes by the name Monte (sounds like MONTY). And for some reason the black people we work with can't pronounce the T and they call him Monny, at least that's how it sounds, you know? So I'm like you should go by MUNTE so when they leave the T out it sounds like they're calling you Munny (sounds like money). Then they could be like "What up, Munny?!" And why is it the blacks can't pronounce their Ts but the change Ds to Ts? You know what I mean? "Man, this sandwich is goot!" No, No, you mean gooD. Why is that so difficult for black people? Something I've been doing lately when I cuss is add the word "sticks" to the end of it. So instead of saying "Aw shit!" I'm saying "Aw shit sticks!" It sounds funnier to me that way. Also it sounds less abrasive that way. Kinda like "fiddle sticks" which is actually how I adapted the phrase to begin with. I was trying to stop cussing and instead of saying "fuck" I'd say "fudge" or "fiddle sticks" but that sounded kinda gay after a while so I started saying "fuck sticks" which shouldn't be confused with "fuckstick". I'm saying "fuck sticks", that's two words, "fuckstick" the name you call someone is one word. And along we move without transition. Next time you're listening to music try to replace two syllable words like baby, honey, mama, child (words like that) with the words nigger, nigga, or negro. Guarantee you it'll liven up that song a little bit. Unless you're listening to rap, then they probably already use those words anyway. This is especially easy to do if you're listening to David Lee Roth, ORIGINAL VanHalen, or anything Zakk Wylde sings. But any 2 syllabled noun like, but not limited to, the above words can be replaced and it is funny. I know you're gonna try it. Go ahead, I do it. Just don't sing it out loud if you're near black people or overly sensitive white people. Have you seen that shit? White people who get offended by nigger? Now, I'm not saying it's OK to say, but why would a white person get offended by nigger? We (white people) made it up to degrade people, now even we're offended by it? It isn't offensive to us, it's guilt. White people feeling guilty. But I don't feel a fuck stick bit guilty. Keep on keeping on my niggas!