The Burning Returning

Once again we will visit a few topics that are 'Burning" me like Jim Rome.

• Gas Station Stereos - What is up with these motherfuckers that leave their stereos blasting while they are at the gas station? It's usually black people, but even when it's white people it's always rap. I had to listen to fucking "music" that was loud and proclaiming YOU'S A BITCH NIGGA YOU'S A BITCH NIGGA YOU'S A BITCH NIGGA YOU'S A BITCH NIGGA over and over again. STOP THAT SHIT, it pisses me off.
• ATM Lanuage - Why are there 3 languages at my ATMS now? And what fucking language is "Sii Wado"? It means continue I guess, but what fucking language is it? "Continuar" I know is Spanish, but what the fuck is the other one?
• Finding Money - Yes, I hate finding money. Because it's usually my money I find. Except for a few bucks here or there it's usually my money I find. Oh look a $20 bill, now I have $40! Oh no, it was my twenty, I still only have $20.
• Crowns - Why do people call Crayons, crowns? Seriously, why? Cray-On. How do you get crown out of that? Are you not able to read correctly? That can be fixed. But so can your face if I have to punch you. Stop it! They're CRAY-ONS
• White Pants - I hate when women wear white pants and you can see through them, but they get mad if you stare. Don't wear them then. You walk by and I can tell what color your fucking panties are and I'm not supposed to check you out? Then wear a fucking burqa you tease!

A Quick Change Up For You

Here is a new twist on an old favorite. It's a new list, but in stead of a "Top Ten" list, it's a "Top Eleven" list. Mainly because I had 11 things to include in the list and didn't want to cut one out. So here's my top 11 favorite video games. They're in reverse order because I can't figure out how to start with 11. So number 1 is 11 and 11 is 1. Get it? It doesn't really matter, just read the shit and agree with me.

1. Assassin's Creed 2(Xbox 360) - Because it's the first Xbox 360 game that I was able to unlock all of the achievements on. It was no easy feat, even my girlfriend helped me to accomplish this.
2. Madden(All Consoles) - Even if there are a few clunkers from time to time, they will always be the best NFL/football games ever. Seriously, am I wrong?
3. Donkey Kong Country(SNES) - If you've never played this game, that sucks. That really does. It spawned 2 sequels, but they didn't compare to the original. Instant classic!
4. Grand Theft Auto 3(PS2) - This game was revolutionary in 3D game play. It had an open world environment like nothing else before it. And it opened a lot of doors for future games.
5. Grand Theft Auto 4(PS3/360) - All of the games between 3 & 4 seemed like filler to me, leading up to the climax that is GTA4. Both PS3 and Xbox 360 versions were great.
6. Battlefield Bad Company 2(Xbox 360) - Say what you want about Call of Duty, but this is what I imagine real combat to be like. The best military game ever, until maybe later this fall.
7. Worms Armageddon(PS1/PC) - This was a simple game. A basic turn based strategy game where you control a team of 4 worms and you fucking kill other worms. Violently fun.
8. Double Dragon 2 The Revenge(NES) - The first was awesome, but the sequel let 2 players play. It let my brother and I play as the Lee brothers and kick ass side by side for the first time.
9. Contra(NES) - If you need to know why this is on the list, this list has probably been a waste of time for you. Contra is one of the greatest games EVER. And I'm not the only one that thinks that. Everyone does.
10. Super Mario Bros.(NES) - The Originator. The video game that began my gaming career, as well as millions and millions of other people in the 1980s. That's all I have to say.
11. Metal Gear Solid(PS1/PS2/PS3) - This is the entire series I'm talking about here. Never have I been as sucked into a game as I am with MGS. From the first one on the original Playstation to the 4th installment on the Playstation 3, the BEST GAMES EVER.

Is anyone else a fan of 'Looking Out My Back Door' by Creedence Clearwater Revival? Boy, I'm a huge fan. Are any of you out there? There's a scene in the movie 'The Big Lebowski' where the Dude is driving around in his car with a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. As he finishes his joint he goes to flip the roach out of his window, but the window isn't down (it was damaged recently when his car was stolen) so it bounces off the window and lands between his legs. So he freaks and pours his beer on it to keep from burning his balls! Then he crashes into a light post during this whole debacle. All the while "Looking Out My Back Door' was playing on his car radio. Goddamn that's my favorite movie. My buddy "Kirk" and I used to watch that all the time. We even drank White Russians in tribute to the movie. Plus we sang karaoke to the song once or twice too while we were drunk off our asses. The song calms me and makes me think of nothing but good times. So fuck you if you don't like CCR.

A Nagging Update:

So I finally silenced that nagging, burning sensation in my head. HA! Nagging, burning sensation, I feel like John Madden in an athlete's foot commercial. But anyways, after going through all of my New York Dolls CDs and still feeling that need that there was a CD that I just HAD to listen to, I found it. It was Black Label Society's 1998 debut release 'Sonic Brew'. This is by far my favorite BLS album. Also one of my favorite CDs of all time. It shouldn't have been much of a surprise when I put it in my car's CD player and instantly felt relieved. So I've regained a little bit of my sanity.....for now. By the way, if you're reading this and you don't own 'Sonic Brew' you should probably go out and buy a copy. Or illegally download it off the Internet. But make sure you get the version with the 'No More Tears' cover song on it. It's pretty badass! But since Zakk Wylde helped write it, it pretty much has to be badass.

Have you ever been in some sort of an unexplained mental/emotional, discontent, irritated, depressing fucking funk? What the fuck causes that? You know, it's like you don't want to do anything or be around anyone, ANYONE, ANYONE at all. And even just the thought of being around yourself is too much to deal with. What causes that? Why does that happen? And, more importantly, how do you move past it? That's the worst part, isn't it? You know the whole situation is bullshit, yet you can't prevent it from continually dragging you down. And whether you try to move on and battle this shit, or you let it consume you and just wait it out, the outcome is the same. You're miserable and don't know why. No one wants to be around you because you're insufferable, which is fine because you don't want anyone around to view your pathetic display. In the end you're left with disillusionment and a sense of abandonment that you can't shake for days at a time. But it is important to remember that no matter how low you get or how bad you feel, and end will always come. Just hope that end doesn't include a bullet and you'll be just fine, my friends. That is the important part. Remember that.

I D.A.R.E.You

Years ago when I was in my early 20's I used to get into a lot of shit A LOT OF SHIT! Usually my buddy "Kirk" was involved with this shit too. And one night he and I hit up happy hour at Applebee's and got loaded. Then we went to his place to hang out. His goofy roommate had recently bought a can of air duster and we decided to play with it. So basically we huffed like half the can for fun. While we were still drunk. Then we went to my place and I happened to have like 3 hits left in a pipe (weed) in my bedroom, so we finished that off. Next I went to my freezer where I almost always had a bottle of Bacardi 151 spiced rum and we mixed it 50/50 with generic Cherry Coke and we smashed 32oz cups of that shit! At some point later that night I remembered that back in the 5th grade I won a D.A.R.E. award. I thought, "My, my, haven't I come a long way?" That night I had a D.A.R.E. moment.

Here's the Key....

Check this out, a few weeks ago my girlfriend lost her keys, well, she misplaced them. And we were looking everywhere for them. Somehow the tables got turned on me and I was like "Hey, I never have trouble finding my keys." And she goes "That's because you always put them in the same place by the T.V." Like that is incorrect of me to do. Now you know why I do that. Now you know why I always put my keys in the same place. That's why we never have to rip the place apart looking for my keys. So somehow I was the bad guy because my keys weren't missing. Well, I quickly turned the tables around because I found the damn keys. After that I had 2 sets of keys next to the T.V. Well, until she lost..... I mean misplaced them again.

I've also bought this big wooden key that you hang from the wall with hooks on it to hang your keys from since then. It is right next to the door. I'm the only one that uses it. But I never have trouble finding my keys.