A Simple Solution

I was thinking the other day about the state of our country and I came up with a way to solve a few problems in one blow.

1. Unemployment rate
2. Out of work black people
3. Out of control white kids

It's hard enough finding a job right now, and I'm white. I'd imagine it may be harder if you're black. And I'm sure most people are fed up with the out of control white kids these days. No one wants to spank their kids anymore. No one wants to discipline their children at all and that's just lazy bullshit. Now, my dad isn't my favorite person, but he rarely had to get physical with me because he had voice control over me. We both knew when or if I was doing something wrong, no questions asked. My mom didn't have that. But she didn't have a problem with spanking me either. In fact I still remember the last time I was whipped by my mom. She was using her hand and I laughed. She turned around, grabbed a hair brush and used that. FUCK! After that all she had to do was ask, "Do I have to get the hair brush?" even if I didn't know what it was that I was doing wrong I'd sit idle for 5 - 10 minutes. Fuck that hair brush. So anyway, my idea is to hire black men to beat these white kids. they get jobs out of it, that helps the rate of unemployment, and maybe it'll settle these fucking untrained children down. "Do you want me to call in the black man? I didn't think so. Now settle down you little fuck." If my parents threatened me with a beating from a black guy, I'd straighten the fuck up!

Let's Go to the Movies

Today I'd like to tell you all about a favorite movie of mine. It wasn't a major motion picture so you've probably never heard of it. But it is a George A. Romero movie, so you know it's good. I originally found out about this movie when I was immersed in the world of the Misfits. They needed a director for their video for the song 'Scream' and Romero needed a few songs for a movie and a band to perform in the finale scene of the movie. So it was an even trade. The movie is called 'Bruiser' and it is great. You know when someone pisses you off or offends you or hurts your feelings and you go through all the ways you'd like to hurt them in your head? That's what the movie is about. The main character, Charlie, is stepped on by everyone. His best friend (an accountant) is stealing money from him. His wife treats him like shit and is cheating on him with his boss who undercuts everything he says/does. Then one day he wakes up with out a face. He has a blank white face. I believe it's symbolism for how he typically blends into the background and never really stands out. So he has no face and he gets to exact his revenge on everyone from his thieving maid to his prick of a boss. It's pretty good for a low budget film. Plus the sound track is decent too. Maybe I'm a little bias because this is my kind of a revenge movie, but you should still check it out. Besides, most of you can probably pirate it off of the Internet anyways, so it won't cost you anything.

OK, this might piss off some of you "real music" fans out there, but doesn't James Taylor have some of the most pussified music ever written? Now, I realize he has been around for awhile, and he is a terrific song writer, but god damn, some of his shit is so gay it makes my penis shrivel and then go concave inside of me like an inside out penis forming a makeshift vagina. Or actually a mangina in this case. In other words, James Taylor's music is mangina inducing. Am I wrong? I don't think so. It's like Axl's song 'This I Love' on 'Chinese Democracy', it's such a ball-less song. And for Axl to be such a controlling tyrant bad ass, and then write such a shitty song really makes you wonder, you know? I mean where is that guy's head at sometimes? It just baffles me. But back to my original point, James Taylor, I respect you and all you have accomplished, but c'mon, let your nuts hang and try writing a few tunes for us to enjoy. Just walk around fully clothed with you balls hanging out of your zipper and see what that inspires inside of you. It's cool, I do it too.

Our Author Finds His Inner Self

You know I realized something the other day. I am a fairly fortunate and busy human being. Of course shit doesn't always go the way you'd like it to, but when is everything ever perfect? I've got a decent full time job that I actually enjoy for the most part. I have a video game addiction that I am able to support (through the services of Gamefly and Xbox Live). I play guitar, I finally got the Gibson Les Paul I've wanted forever, I brew my own beer. I live with a girlfriend whom I've been with for almost 5 years now. We rarely argue (unless we're playing Borderlands). My car is still in fairly good shape, even though my 'check engine light' just came on, but I have a very good knowledge of automobiles so I already may know what's wrong with it. My family may be dysfunctional, but the members I still talk to are the best people in my life. And after this past weekend, I think I have some of the best damn friends I could ask for. So things aren't as bad as they could be. It just feels sometimes like there just isn't enough time in the day. Do you know what I mean? I guess you'll have that no matter who you are. I hope all of my readers are fortunate enough to be happy and enjoy life.

Did You Hear That?

Back when I was in high school I didn't keep many people close to me. In other words, I didn't have many friends. But that was never an issue because I didn't like many of the people I went to high school with anyways. But there was one guy I wanted to physically abuse. I can't remember his name, but he was a hardcore punk. Which there is nothing wrong with that. But he constantly made fun of the music everyone else listened to. Or just put down the people instead. He was into bands like, Pennywise, NOFX, Crass, Rancid stuff like that. All bands I have enjoyed at one point in time or another (except maybe Crass). But he was relentless to everyone else. He acted like all metal was like the band Nelson or something. Very annoying and sometimes hurtful to people. Now I may not be a fan of every kind of music, and I'll talk shit about it if I think it's terrible, but I'd never put anyone down because of what they listened to. I mean I may goof on the people that are close to me, but I wouldn't directly put them down, you know? I have some CDs like Kylie Minogue, Gerri Halliwell, Shania Twain, stuff you wouldn't think I was into, stuff that I'm sure some of you will give me shit about, but so what? Why put someone down because of it? No matter what you or I or that jackass in high school or anyone else for that matter, no matter what WE listen to, we do it for the same reasons. That's universal, and isn't that what's important? It's a release, an escape from everything. An escape from guys like that shithead in high school in fact. I wish I could remember that dude's name. It was Chad or Zach or something with that long A sound in it. but oh well, fuck him. And praise you if you agree with me.

You know, one good thing did come from that fucker. He drew me a picture of what he considered a "heavy metal lead singer" to be and it was great. He drew a picture of this guy in spandex pants with a leopard print vest on wearing a Police Man's hat screaming into a microphone. It was great I kept it in my locker for like 2 years.

Here We Go Again

Once again it's time for a piece that didn't make it out in time and is almost irrelevant at this point.

So it's August once again, and football season is almost upon us. Hell the preseason has already commenced and once again this year we are forced to go through another Brett Favre saga. As of today (8/18/2010, see? Almost irrelevant.) it appears as though Brett, good ole' number 4 will be returning to the Vikings for his 20th season. And guess what? I am tired of this shit. He should make his fucking mind up a lot sooner than mid-August as to whether or not he's coming back. If not to keep the sports media in check, then just for Tarvarius Jackson's mental benefit. Besides fuck that traitor anyways. He is the same type of asshole that Lebron James is. Or Johnny Damon. What a bunch of traitorous fuckfaces. Especially Johnny and Brett. LeBron followed the money, but Johnny and Brett joined rivals of their former teams. I think most people know by now that I'm a berserk Bengals fan, and if Carson Palmer left Cincinnati to join Cleveland or Pittsburgh or some shit like that, I'd flip my fucking lid! I understand free agency and sometimes you have to do what you have to do, but these guys fucked a lot of fans over. Fans that made them who they were/are. So in other words.......Fuck These Dickheads!!

A Real Nail Biter...

Here's something fucked up I realized the other day. I have no idea how long my fingernails should be. You see, I'm a chronic masturb....... I mean, nail biter and I am trying to let my nails grow out. So far I have both my thumbs nails and the nail on my right pointer finger coming in nicely as well. So the nail on my left thumb (the first I grew out) got pretty long and I wasn't sure if it was too long or not. And I thought, "Imagine that, I'm almost 30 years old and I have no idea what an appropriate length for my nails are." Plus now the thing interferes when I'm texting or getting on motherfucking Facebook from my phone. So I just want to bite the fucker off! But I'm going to make a serious attempt to grow out all 10 of my nails. Even if I have to do it one nail at a time. And my fingers are all jacked up now. I have progressed from just nail biting to chewing the skin off too. And the fingertip areas on my left and look dry and peeling too because I've started playing guitar more lately now that I have my (Gibson) Les Paul at my place. In other words, my hands are OK, but my fingers are gross. And they have a lot of red tissue looking fleshy areas exposed as well. So those places are all stingy and shit. But you know what? I can fucking take it 'coz I'm a real man, bro!