A Notice To All Readers

Some of you out there in Inter-Webs land may have noticed that I haven't been updating as often as I once was. And simply it's because I haven't had a whole lot to bitch about lately. I am really content with where I'm at in life right now. Both my girlfriend and I have jobs we like, and mine isn't a bad one, plus I'm pretty good at it. And I've been reading a lot lately while I've been at work, which cuts into my writing time. Also since the NFL season had begun, I'm usually preoccupied with football on the weekends when I'd typically be posting. And there has been a lot of beer getting in the way too. So I just haven't been angry enough to put the pen to the paper. But I do have a lot of stuff stored up to put out and I have a good deal of pics to sort through that you guys have sent me. So look for an update or two to feature your submissions. But other than that, enjoy everything else. Take Care.

Another Stupid List

Here is my list of coolest Current T.V. Characters.

1. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs - He's the baddest T.V. character ever!
2. Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo - He is the next in line to succeed Gibbs when he retires.
3. Lois Griffin - Because I have a thing for hot red head cartoon characters. Like Ariel from the Little Mermaid.
4. Mary Shannon - Ever watched In Plain Sight? She's the reason I do. Such a badass chick!
5. Dr. Gregory House - If I was a doctor, I'd want to be like him. He's biggest coolest dickhead ever.
6. Barney Stinson - Neil Patrick Harris is a cool dude and the life he breathes into Barney is just amazing. I love that character.
7. Frylock - He is a floating carton of french fries that shoots lasers from his eyes. Need I say more?
8. The Mythbusters Crew - If I could switch jobs with anyone it would be either Adam, Jaime, Tory, or Grant. But not Kari 'cause she's a girl. No questions asked.
9. Patrick Jane - If you haven't watched the Mentalist yet, try it. I'm 80% sure you'll like it. He's the main reason.
10. Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan - He is the muscle and heart of the Criminal Minds FBI BAU. Bottom Line.
11. Charlie Harper - I'm glad Charlie Sheen found a role he's good at. Mainly because it's actually him. But he's definitely my biggest role model.
12. Jeremy Wade - He isn't a character he's an actual person, and this motherfucker can catch some motherfucking radical catfish.
13. Special Agent G. Callen - If anyone is going to star in a west coast version of NCIS I'm glad it's him.
14. Special Agent Sam Hannah - The only person I'd want as Callen's partner. Plus he's played by LL Cool J.
15. Special Agent Seeley Booth - I think I have a thing for special agents, but whatever. Booth is a good catholic man's man. And I wanna see him bang Bones.
16. Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan - Even though she is so literal and that annoys the fuck out of everyone, I'd still like to see her and Booth hook up at some point.
17. Jeff Bingham - He's another man's man, and he reminds me of myself.
18. Nick Stokes - The only CSI character good enough to make my list. He is cool and he's been with the show for a while. He's the only reason I watch the original.
19. Dr. Raymond Langston - I was mistaken. He is also on the original CSI and I dig him too. I like seeing him and Nick Stokes solve crimes together.
20. Al Michaels - Ok he isn't a character either, but he is on T.V. and I am a huge fan of his. If you read my story about have color commentary while receiving a BJ you'd know this already.

Size Does Matter

Has anyone else noticed the new smaller bottle caps the soda companies are using on bottles now? Like on 20 & 24 ounce bottles. They're supposed to be smaller to save on the amount of plastic being used. But personally I feel all they've done is make it harder to put the cap back on. Maybe it's just me, bit I have a little trouble from time to time when I go to put the cap back on now. And I understand the idea, but how much plastic are they really saving? Don't get me wrong, it is a noticeable difference, obviously if it hampers my ability to recap the bottle, but it really isn't a huge difference. Is it? But I suppose it's better than alternative ideas I could come up with. I'm surprised they didn't leave the caps as they were and just make smaller bottles for the same price in order to save plastic. That would be a good sound corporate idea. "Let's give the consumer assholes less product, but for the same price. That'll save plastic. And we're thinking GREEN!!"

With an emphasis on the word green. Get it?

Always Screwing With Somebody

OK, so one of my favorite video games is Battlefield Bad Company 2 and I love killing motherfuckers on that game. So one thing I thought might be fun to do is create another online profile as a woman and go online and kill all of the guys that wouldn't be able to be out done by a female. Because that's most of them. I, myself really don't care who gets the best of me, because I will find you and kill you...... eventually. But a lot of guys can't handle it if a "girl" gets the better of them. Some guys just don't understand that women can figure out video games too. Like it's something only men are genetically disposed to be better at. Dumbasses. So that's what I wanna do. If I could get a few more guys to help me with this, that would be great. Plus we'd all have girlie names/gamertags like TightPie_Girl or SuziHomeWrecker or PWND_by_a_Girl or Grrrrl_Power, you get what I mean. And our 3 digit clan tag could be GRL or something. Or even LEZ if you catch my drift. Sounds like a solid idea to me. What do you think?

WORD!

Alright, we're gonna talk about words now. No intro, no lead in. I'm just gonna jump right in it. Have you ever noticed the word SPEECH is spelled with 2 Es but the word SPEAK is spelled with an EA? Aren't these words very similar in what they represent? Isn't that fucking stupid? Why would we do that? No wonder people have trouble learning to read in this country. And there's another one by the way, READ. I can't READ (sounds like REED) very well. But I already READ (sounds like RED) that book. Why are they spelled the same way? And we bitch because illegals don't learn how to speak English? You try teaching them the difference. I work with a guy who goes by the name Monte (sounds like MONTY). And for some reason the black people we work with can't pronounce the T and they call him Monny, at least that's how it sounds, you know? So I'm like you should go by MUNTE so when they leave the T out it sounds like they're calling you Munny (sounds like money). Then they could be like "What up, Munny?!" And why is it the blacks can't pronounce their Ts but the change Ds to Ts? You know what I mean? "Man, this sandwich is goot!" No, No, you mean gooD. Why is that so difficult for black people? Something I've been doing lately when I cuss is add the word "sticks" to the end of it. So instead of saying "Aw shit!" I'm saying "Aw shit sticks!" It sounds funnier to me that way. Also it sounds less abrasive that way. Kinda like "fiddle sticks" which is actually how I adapted the phrase to begin with. I was trying to stop cussing and instead of saying "fuck" I'd say "fudge" or "fiddle sticks" but that sounded kinda gay after a while so I started saying "fuck sticks" which shouldn't be confused with "fuckstick". I'm saying "fuck sticks", that's two words, "fuckstick" the name you call someone is one word. And along we move without transition. Next time you're listening to music try to replace two syllable words like baby, honey, mama, child (words like that) with the words nigger, nigga, or negro. Guarantee you it'll liven up that song a little bit. Unless you're listening to rap, then they probably already use those words anyway. This is especially easy to do if you're listening to David Lee Roth, ORIGINAL VanHalen, or anything Zakk Wylde sings. But any 2 syllabled noun like, but not limited to, the above words can be replaced and it is funny. I know you're gonna try it. Go ahead, I do it. Just don't sing it out loud if you're near black people or overly sensitive white people. Have you seen that shit? White people who get offended by nigger? Now, I'm not saying it's OK to say, but why would a white person get offended by nigger? We (white people) made it up to degrade people, now even we're offended by it? It isn't offensive to us, it's guilt. White people feeling guilty. But I don't feel a fuck stick bit guilty. Keep on keeping on my niggas!